LSD makes me eat oatmeal.

No, I am not dabbling. Don't worry.

Most people have their curiosity drug and their drug they should never try. I've always been slightly obsessed with Heroin. I know, I know. Needles are badass. Heroin is badass. I'm sure watching Gia didn't help. I want to be Angelina Jolie when I grow up. The end.

I should never drop acid. Mostly because I have a vivid imagination, am prone to terrible nightmares, and have a very dark place I can wind up even under the influence of champagne. I accidentally smoked laced weed once. I was renting a room in a condo with a parole officer of all people. He thought I was an angel and didn't do drugs (well, minus tequila). That night I locked myself in my room and watched my laundry basket hover in the air while having a conversation with my most recent ex-boyfriend. The morning couldn't come fast enough. It was frightening.

These days, running is my drug of choice and necessity. Today was Long Slow Distance. At the moment, this is my favorite run because I haven't exactly been running consistantly the last 2 months. Making myself run for 70 minutes or whatever is crazy mental. It's not that I get tired physically. It's more like my brain suddenly, out of nowhere, goes, "Huh. We've been doing this for awhile. Let's stop." That's when I have to repsond, "No can do, sweetheart. You're paying for all your stupid. This will be fun again." Long runs will also be two hours again. Just not right now. Baby steps. It was freezing this morning, but beautiful. I was dressed in about 3 layers, which made me look like a turquoise fleece polar bear. Not my favorite look, but that's the beauty of a 5:15 am run. NOBODY FREAKING CARES BECAUSE EVERYONE IS ASLEEP. :)

Running doesn't make me super hungry. It just makes me crave different breakfast than I normally eat. A typical day involves an ommlette that ends up resembling a salad wrapped in yellow, covered in chopped avocado and like 2 cups of Valentina hot sauce. Today, I had oatmeal with 2/3 cup frozen blueberries mixed in, chopped raw almonds and 1/2 cup nonfat Greek yogurt with splenda and vanilla extract mixed in. So good. It probably helps I used like 1/3 cup almonds. Whatever. I am capable of eating half a jar of chunky peanut butter in one sitting so 1/3 cup almonds is an improvement on portion control.

I feel so much better today. It's only day 2, but I don't feel so toxic and disgusting. My head is clearer too. What the hell am I going to feel like in a month? I honestly don't even remember what a month sober feels like. I don't remember what a week sober feels like...but I'm looking forward to finding out. I'm not being unrealistic, thinking this will be cake (not rum cake, obviously). It'll be difficult at times, but I do know this. I don't crave alcohol for alcohol, the taste etc. I crave a solution to stress, boredom, and lonliness. I can work with that. I took a walk last night before dinner and it was actually refreshing. I don't normally "walk". I wasn't working super hard, but I got blood flowing and the endorphins made me feel terrific. Sounds like a killer solution for cravings. :)   #nightwalknotnightcap