Hello, there are 2 of me.

Sometimes I wonder why I have to be so damn bipolar about everything in life. Litterally everything. Case in point. I borrowed a juicer from my best friend's brother, and tomorrow I am starting a 3 day all juice cleanse. I decided on "tomorrow" because 1. I am out of pretty much all produce (and that's kind of how a juice cleanse works...) and 2. I had already eaten a substantial non-juice breakfast when I decided juicing sounded like a good idea. The point of it is to "jolt my body" into feeling good and craving good fuel. Or that's what one of the websites stated. I actually believe it, and my body could use some good "jolting".


However, the bipolor stepped in quickly around lunch time. Sure, I'm not juicing yet, but I could begin preparing my body by picking clean food choices. Do I do this? Of course not. Realizing that I will probably be irritable and hungry for the upcoming 3 days, and also realizing that the loaf of homemade bread on top of the fridge is my best yet, I make a tuna sandwich. An entire tuna sandwich. Not those silly "thinwich" deals, or a "one slice of bread" sandwich. No. A WHOLE damn sandwich. And to make it worse, the only can of tuna was tuna in oil. Because I am two years old and apparently can't read the labels when I go grocery shopping. Oh yeah, and then I ate it in front of the TV while watcing the pilot of HawthoRNe. I'm over it and done berating myself for failing at healthy living. But it makes me wonder, why do I swing so violently back and forth? Kind of like when you pick the carton of nonfat frozen yogurt (especially when it's that triple chocolate brownie one), but then eat the entire carton with your husband while watching 24. My guilty conscience is working overtime...that may or may not have happened to me many times, once with full fat egg nog ice cream.


I'm going to run later. No really, I am. I had planned a circuit and eliptical for now. Bubbs even obliged by napping for once. I don't want to do it. And I don't want myself to tell myself to do it either. The idea of burpees and minutes of frog jumps and walking push ups makes me want to throw up. I need Bob Harper in my life. But see, I did it again. I plan on doing something healthy later, and decide I don't want to do something else that's healthy now.


There's a Hoosier song that says "The trick to life is not to get too attached to it". Maybe. I would argue at the moment that the trick to life is being intentional. Intentional about my body, my mind, my relationships.

Easy to say. I have so much to learn...