Thoughts on (not) running.

But sometimes, it isn't that simple.
Sometimes, the thing that makes you happy needs to be given up temporarily.

Running is my 1st. love.
It completely blows my mind that it has been a constant in my life for 16 years. Early college, it became obvious that I'm not good at long-term relationships. 5 months...8 months... one year...5 years with Scott is a crazy long time in the same relationship for me. Running and I have never broken up. We've been separated due to sprains, stress fractures, and pregnancy, but I've never lost interest or quit on purpose.

I love it.
It is that simple.

Running has given me an insane "one-ness" with my body. I can't describe it properly. I just know my body, very, very well. Every footfall. Every breath. Whether my shoulders are tense. A sharp pain in my hamstring. Tightness in calves or ass...collateral damage of strenth training. I can feel my core tighten with each step, centering me. I also can feel when I'm "off". When my stride feels unnatural. When humidity makes breathing labored. When a hangover makes my head dizzy and legs shaky. A runner doesn't have to listen to their body, but multiple self-induced stress fractures have taught me doing this is pretty fucking stupid. You listen to your body. Your body responds well. You make progress. End of discussion.

A couple days after the 4th of July race, I was jamming my right foot in my Nike Frees to get on the eliptical...without loosening the laces. I don't know what I did, but my ankle is not ok, and feels like it's getting worse. (Hello, double days and double digit runs...)

My name is Sarah, and if it will hurt me, I will probably do it.

There's a 5k 2 days after my birthday that I want to do because New Year's Eve I decided the year needs to include a 5k. Duh. And then there's the Two Cities Half Marathon in November that I NEED TO DO. That's right. NEED. Just like I NEED to be healthy and running strong so that I can PR. That's right, I've already decided I'm going to PR. What can I say? I actually believe in myself again. In order to make all this happen though, I'm taking this week off. It's been ONE day and already I'm having a hard time. Running is so much of who I am...my worth...my sanity...my coping mech of choice...

I run for so many reasons.

I run because I'm good at it.

I run because I love rain and getting completely soaked.

I run because I don't want fat thighs.

I run because it's challenging.

I run because it impresses people.

I run because 20 x 400 meters on a track makes me feel like a fucking badass.

I run so my ass looks good in jeans.

I run to process my thoughts.

I run to be alone.

I run as an excuse to listen to my favorite music.

I run to be faster than the men I race against.

I run to win.

I run to unwind.

I run because it helps me sleep.

I run to eat.

I run sometimes because of what I ate.

I run when I'm upset because it's impossible to run and cry for very long.

I run because it requires discipline.

I run to passively compete with my sister. (Just being honest, Ingrid...)

I run at 5 am.

I run at 8 pm.

I run when it's 105 deg out.

I run when I feel amazing.

I run hungover and feel like shit.

I run long so I have an excuse to consume Chocolate Outrage Gu.

I run tempo runs...mile repeats...LSDs...lactate runs...800s.

I run twice in one day, multiple times a week.

I run because it makes me want to make other healthy choices.

I run because it's who I am.

When I think about all the people who want to run and can't... Or the people that have never experienced the beauty of a sunrise during a 14 mile weekend run... Or the people who have never felt the exiliration of running 0.5 mile repeats @ 6:50 min/mile pace... I feel truely blessed.

A week isn't forever.

A lifetime is forever.

Here's to making the right decision when it's tough.

"Smart" isn't fun, but it pays off.