Where Did 8 Months Go?

The blessed hippo baby is 8 months today.

Seriously. What The Hell.

I was rummaging around on Instagram, looking at all the other babies, and I realized he's in months not weeks. As has been for a very long time. I know it's cliche, but it really does feel like yesterday that I was documenting week by week. For some reason, 11 weeks stands out to me. Not sure why. I think it was just a pivotal point in Asher's growth  and development. And now, here we are...

He is a little over 21# and last time he was measured 27.5". But it's been a month since that measurment, so I'm sure he's grown. The fact that all his clothes are 12 months is testament to the fact he is a large child. I love his fat, super thick chubbo feet. It has yet to be seen whether he will follow in Daddy's flat footed ways, but already clearly has my "paddle feet". We had these adorable 12 month skull slip ons that Kathy had bought Micah that I saved. Yeah, Asher will never wear those shoes. For one thing, his feet are too long, but even at around 5 months, I could NOT get his feet IN them. #chubbybabyproblems I am still breastfeeding exclusively. It's nuts to me that I've been sustaining a chubby baby, who continues to gain weight, on ONE breast. ONE. And since about 2 months. I don't really remember when he decided he would no longer nurse off my right boob, but other than making my cleavage look fucking retarded, it hasn't slowed his growth at all. In fact, he is over 2# more than Micah was at 8 months. He has 2 teeth that came in abruptly (after he teethed for about FIVE months) right at the 7 month mark. I tried bananas last week. He ate a few bites, but the look he gave me says he wasn't a fan. This week, on a whim, I tried watermelon. Just letting him lick slabs. He loved it, so I stuck some in the hollow strawberry dad gave him so he could suck it out off the holes. He loves kicking and is a super roller. He can get himself anywhere rolling, and you can't leave lying on higher surfaces (not that you're supposed to) unsupervised. He is almost to the point of sitting up on his own, but not quite. You have to be there so he doesn't tip over. It is pretty comical though, when he bends all the way in half, like Cobbler's pose in yoga, and puts his head between his feet and licks the wood floor. He clapped for the first time today, and depending on his mood, he'll give high 5s. He hasn't shown an interest in crawling, although lately he's gone up on all fours a bit. I think he'd really like to just skip to walking. Walking is going to look so funny because he's our torso baby. Short little legs, long torso, and tiny ankles leading to fat feet. Lol. He'll figure it out. I have a longer torso and I walk just fine... He still wakes up to nurse at night, but since moving to Escondido, he's napping much more regularly (thank God) and on a good night, he'll wake up twice. On a bad night, I'll be up every hour. Bleh. Not for long, but it's still aggravating and makes it hard to keep my eyes open by noon the next day. He's a lover, and as long as you hold or snuggle him, he will be contentedly passed around. Gma does have the magic touch though. She can get his little butt to sleep in the blink of an eye. Without nursing him, so that's crazy.

Micah is still figuring out how to be a kind big brother, but I think it's just his hyperactive nature. He really loves Asher, and loves making him laugh. The "hippo baby" nickname came about one day when Asher was being a bully and kicked Micah pretty hard. Micah got upset and said, "You hurt me, you big hippo baby!" It stuck.

I feel like I should document the whole body after baby thing. Since I did stress waaaayyyyyy too much about it my whole pregnancy. I kind of want to remember the timeline things happened because it was different than post Micah. But different is sometimes better, and I am definitely not unhappy with where my body is at currently. I feel like I'm not done yet, so like not exactly wanting to maintain, but slow progress is still progress. And more comfortable progress. Anyways, I think I'll save that for it's own blog post. Maybe tomorrow. Since this is Farty Fats day and all.

I love your fat, beautiful butt, Asher Pax. <3

Half Marathon Training Week #1

Well...

Pros:   *Hit all key workouts (minus 11 miler).  *Bought new running shoes. (Brooks Ghost 6. Hands down most expensive - $110 - but also best shoes I've had in a LONG time. Goodbye Asics...Point of interest: I wear a 7.5 in Asics and an 8 in Brooks.)

Cons:  *Missed 50% of my "extra" stuff (like yoga. Surprise!).  *Missed my 11 miler (I was ok with this. Had a time crunch and it was super hot/humid out. I still worked out that did and did a quick trial run with my new shoes.)

...

Total Mileage: 31.4   (1 junk, unaccounted for, mile)


Mon:  * Bike: 60 min
             
           *Stretching portion of Yoga X / Tree / Royal Dancer / Leg Extensions
                       4 x (20) Froggers, (20) Standing Inner Thigh Lifts,  (30) Side Lying Clams


Tues:  * 6 Mile Progression Run
                       9:00 / 8:45 / 8:40 / 8:20 / 7:43 / 7:32


Wed:  * 5.66 Mile Easy Run
                       (46:07)


Thur:  * 8.2 Mile Run
                        (1:10:51)

                        Was supposed to be "hills", but couldn't get to the park. Paced Scott the last mile for the 5k he was running. It was a 7:40. Not bad after 7.2 miles. :)

            * HIIT ("Tuesday") Circuit
            * Core Circuit


Fri:   * Bike: 35 min


Sat:  * w-up: 1 mile / c-down: 1 mile
            6 x 400  
                    1:51 / 1:46 / 1:40 / 1:42 / 1:40 /1:34
            3 x 800
                     3:21 / 3:24 / 3:14

          * 2 Mile Easy Run
                     (17:30)
                      6 Rounds: KB Swings (25) / Goblet Squats (15) / Tri Extension (17) / Pushup (10)


Sun:  * Eliptical: 60 min

          * 2.15 Mile (shoe trial) Run
                      (16:07)

...

Didn't start getting sore until Sunday. KB swings definitely are the BEST hamstring exercise. Was consistant with BCAAs & fueling after (tho did most runs on no fuel) workouts. Next week, need to do yoga at least once and at least 2 FULL strength circuits. Also need to get in my 11 miler. Yay. :P
                        

Athletes should play with their food.

Decided to do some experimenting today with both when and what I fuel my body with. The last couple days were a little off-track. Chipotle...Pizza...Doghouse...Pinot Grigio...graham crackers...yeaaah. Fun, but definitely off-track. I don't eat "perfectly clean", but my body is accustomed to healthy food and when I go a little overboard, I can tell immediately. It's a blessing and a curse.

Anyways, today was the day to pull myself together, and I decided why not mix things up a little. Really pay attention to what I'm fueling with. Also, be aware of when I'm eating. Sometimes, I'm ravenous but make myself wait an extra hour or so just because I feel like whatever time it is isn't the "right time" to be eating lunch etc. But also, sometimes, I find myself snacking when I know for damn sure that I'm really just bored/stressed/lazy/ or super dehydrated. I also haven't been using all the supplements I have to my advantage recently. I'm blessed my husband works at The Vitamin Shoppe. I've got a lot of cool, free shit. Gotta use it!

This is a detailed log of my workouts, eating, and vitamins/supplements - also, what time I ate them. I'm curious, but also I'd like to be able to look back at this for reference purposes during later weeks of my Half Marathon training.

...

(Edited: this was written 08.16.13)

5:10 -  Water


5:24-6:35 -  8.2 mile run (1:10:51)

                      BCAAs post run in 20 oz water


7:45 -  1 Tbsp apple cider vinegar in 6 oz water / low-carb, sugar free Rockstar


8:00 -  2 Over easy eggs, 1/2 chopped small avocado, 1/2 med. apple, salsa
             Multivitamin


10:30 -  1.5 cups salad mix, 4 oz chopped chicken, 2 T sunflower seeds, 1 T Balsamic Vin.
               1 Caffeine free energy pill


1:10 -  4 oz chopped chicken
            1 c kale, 3 mushrooms, 1/2 chopped apple, 1 slice turkey bacon sauteed in 1/2  
             Tbsp. coconut oil, 1 Caffeine free energy pill


1:30 -  1/2 preworkout packet mixed with 12 oz water


1:50-2:55 -  HIIT Circuit / Core Circuit
                     BCAAs post workout in 20 oz water


4:00 -  Shared a smoothie with Micah.
            6 oz unsweetened almond milk, 1 c spinach, 1 Tbsp mint choc. protein powder, 1 
            scoop vanilla protein powder, 5 frozen strawberries, 1/2 frozen banana


6:30 -  1 Tbsp apple cider vinegar in 6 oz water


7:00 -  2/3 c. Quinoa (cooked in chicken broth)
            3 oz. Tofu sauteed in 1 tsp sesame oil
            Sauteed green pepper/onion/broccoli in spray
            sauce (split bt/twn 2) - 1 tbsp soy vey, 1 tbsp lite soy sauce, chicken broth, 1 tbsp 
            cornstarch    

Mind over Matter

It's scientifically proven that the gluteus maximus is the largest muscle in the body.

I believe it. My butt is decent sized.

However, I believe that a person's mind/self-discipline/will-power whatever the hell you want to call it is also a muscle, and probably the most important to running. Use it, it gets stronger. More powerful. Let it atrophy? You're litterally not going to get anywhere.

This is day #2 of round #2 training for half marathon #2 this year. (That's a lot of damn "2"s...) I want to beat my 1:46:07 current PR so I'm actually taking my training plan seriously this time around. This is a huge deal since I don't like being told what to do. Not in person. Not on the phone. Not via exercise video. (Sometimes, I suck it up to get my not so namaste p90x yoga on.) Especially not via impersonal written out training plan on the computer created by someone I've never met, though, assume they are smarter than me. It's a good plan. I have every intention of mostly following it. The major problem I have with it is the abundance of "easy runs". (This is how the "not following the plan" Pandora's Box gets opened...) Three, FOUR if you count the LSD every Sunday, of FIVE running days are designated "easy". What the fuck. I want to run fast yo. Not junk mileage. That many easy runs sound like junk. So, I got on doing things my way "tweaking" things ASAP. I took the Tuesday easy run and turned it into a speedwork wild card day. One of the things I'm good at is maintaining a consistant difficult pace. Exhibit A: the half in May where I basically clung to an 8:00 min/mi the entire race. I'm thankful this somes naturally to me. It's a great skill and comes in handy. However, one of the blogs I read has been talking about practicing progression running. It's the concept of starting out easy and running each mile faster so you don't gas out. It's crazy to my I only want to run fast brain, but your overall time actually ends up faster. And because you have more in the tank later in the run, you can push even harder than if you were just maintaining a semi-challenging pace. I'm basically the only person in the world who doesn't own a Garmin, so I rarely watch my mile splits. I thought that it'd be a good idea to start incorporating progression runs into my training in order to become more intune with my pacing. And why not sooner than later? :) I really didn't know what pace to start at, but since I tend to need more warm up time before running fast in the early morning, I decided to just let my body settle into the first mile and go from there. Eh, logical?


I don't know what was wrong with me this morning. Ok. Maybe I do. It might have been heading to bed after 11:00. It might have been the fight. It might have been the 1/2 bottle of Pinot Noir I drank. Red wine make me sleepy when I drink it at night, and blurry when I wake up in the morning. Doesn't matter if it's one glass or a box. Eww. Boxed red wine. #baddrinkingideas

I digress.

Even though the morning was beautiful, weather chill, and it was still dark, I didn't feel like myself. I warmed up and went through the motions of running the first mile. It was a 9:00 flat. Ick. I knew I was supposed to start slow, but it really annoyed me. I don't run 9:00 miles. Not even when I'm running 15. Ahh, Pride, why you gotta try an derail me? The second mile was 8:45. 15 seconds faster than the first. I should have high-five myself. After all, it's not like I had any clue what I was doing. By the 3rd, I wanted to quit. It was another 5 seconds faster. I wasn't really working hard. I might have been a tad bored. I definitely didn't feel like working harder. which is the kinda the whole point of a progression run. The thought crossed my mind that I could just settle in and do the last 3 "easy" like the plan called for. I think this is hilarious because I was already pissed at how "slow" I was running. Why on earth would I want to "settle in" and let myself possibly run "slower"? Because my brain can be stupid and lazy. Today, mostly lazy. I didn't want to think. I didn't want to have to do math on my fingers mental math. (Yes, I did use my fingers. No, I don't care. You do what works. Fingers work.) I didn't want to have to exert myself. Because, you know what? Deep down, I knew I was not running to my potential. I am getting fast, and the problem with running fast is you know you're capable of it. And you kinda maybe dread the "work" even though you know you can do it. 

I did it. All 6 miles. And I did them properly - progressively faster. I'm honestly really proud of myself. I'm proud of my self-discipline. I'm proud that I can allow myself to think things like, "I want to quit", and then turn around and work harder. On occaision, I have quit/cut a run short, but this is usually because my thighs are rubbing of humidity. NOT because I wimp out. My brother's girlfriend says we're badass bitches. Represent.

6 miles: (50:00)

9:00
8:45
8:40
8:20
7:43
7:32

Want to know the secret to the 2 sub-8 min/miles? Listening to BrokeNCYDE's "Booty Call" and A$AP's (ft. Drake, 2Chainz, Kendrick Lamar) "Fuckin Problem" on repeat ad nauseum. That's right. Those gems got me through. My new birthday shirt says: "Gangsta Rap Made Me Do It." That shit's for real. I don't fuck around. :-P

Doesn't play well with others...

I've always thought of myself as outgoing.
Extroverted.
Talkative.
Confrontational.

And then I hear myself make statements like: "And THAT (insert item of irritation) is why I DON'T like people."

Whoa. Huh?
Which makes me think...

I have always hated group projects. With a passion. I don't like working out in groups. I've never run with the same person more than 10 times (minus my x-country team) - basically, "no, I do not want you to be my running buddy." I like cooking alone. I'm not Santa. I don't need a helper. I prefer tag-teaming chores than sharing the same project. And when I want something to change, I typically do it on my own.

Basically, I'm that bitch who thinks her way is best and is cynical enough to not trust people's ability to follow through on their intentions.

Ha. Yeaahh, I am definitely a people person.

I'm painting myself worse than I am. I am friendly and sensitive. I do enjoy social situations, and even though I'm sarcastic I like to think I have a decent sense of humor. What it really comes down to is I don't like my successes and failures to be the result of someone else's lack of sincerity. If I'm going to suck at life, I want it to be because I make bad decisions. If I fail to meet a goal, I want it to be because I lacked the discipline etc. I don't like giving other people the power to drag me down.

This thinking doesn't mesh well with marriage. When you're married, life in general is a "group project". I need to work on this. On the "us". It's so much easier just to work on "Sarah". To make my agenda the most important thing. I have so much to learn about this being someone's wife thing. I guess that's a first step...realizing I suck.

Today, I am tired.
Just. Plain. Exhausted.
Life is hectic at the moment. Things aren't working out. I feel discouraged and this overwhelming cloud of discontent is constantly hanging over me. I know it will pass. Things will work out. Somehow, they always do. But right now, in this moment, I am just so tired.

Today, I have no words to express aloud what I feel on the inside.
Today, yelling seems to be the most effective form of communicating with my son.
Today, I miss running as a coping mech. I miss feeling all the negative fall from me like sweat. The hypnotizing sound my footfall.

Today, I will go through the motions.
Today, I will do the right thing. I will be loving even when I feel empty. I will be patient even when I lack the energy. I will trust that somehow, things will begin to get better.

All shall be well,

And all shall be well,

And all manner of thing shall be well.

(Julian of Norwich)

Thoughts on (not) running.

But sometimes, it isn't that simple.
Sometimes, the thing that makes you happy needs to be given up temporarily.

Running is my 1st. love.
It completely blows my mind that it has been a constant in my life for 16 years. Early college, it became obvious that I'm not good at long-term relationships. 5 months...8 months... one year...5 years with Scott is a crazy long time in the same relationship for me. Running and I have never broken up. We've been separated due to sprains, stress fractures, and pregnancy, but I've never lost interest or quit on purpose.

I love it.
It is that simple.

Running has given me an insane "one-ness" with my body. I can't describe it properly. I just know my body, very, very well. Every footfall. Every breath. Whether my shoulders are tense. A sharp pain in my hamstring. Tightness in calves or ass...collateral damage of strenth training. I can feel my core tighten with each step, centering me. I also can feel when I'm "off". When my stride feels unnatural. When humidity makes breathing labored. When a hangover makes my head dizzy and legs shaky. A runner doesn't have to listen to their body, but multiple self-induced stress fractures have taught me doing this is pretty fucking stupid. You listen to your body. Your body responds well. You make progress. End of discussion.

A couple days after the 4th of July race, I was jamming my right foot in my Nike Frees to get on the eliptical...without loosening the laces. I don't know what I did, but my ankle is not ok, and feels like it's getting worse. (Hello, double days and double digit runs...)

My name is Sarah, and if it will hurt me, I will probably do it.

There's a 5k 2 days after my birthday that I want to do because New Year's Eve I decided the year needs to include a 5k. Duh. And then there's the Two Cities Half Marathon in November that I NEED TO DO. That's right. NEED. Just like I NEED to be healthy and running strong so that I can PR. That's right, I've already decided I'm going to PR. What can I say? I actually believe in myself again. In order to make all this happen though, I'm taking this week off. It's been ONE day and already I'm having a hard time. Running is so much of who I am...my worth...my sanity...my coping mech of choice...

I run for so many reasons.

I run because I'm good at it.

I run because I love rain and getting completely soaked.

I run because I don't want fat thighs.

I run because it's challenging.

I run because it impresses people.

I run because 20 x 400 meters on a track makes me feel like a fucking badass.

I run so my ass looks good in jeans.

I run to process my thoughts.

I run to be alone.

I run as an excuse to listen to my favorite music.

I run to be faster than the men I race against.

I run to win.

I run to unwind.

I run because it helps me sleep.

I run to eat.

I run sometimes because of what I ate.

I run when I'm upset because it's impossible to run and cry for very long.

I run because it requires discipline.

I run to passively compete with my sister. (Just being honest, Ingrid...)

I run at 5 am.

I run at 8 pm.

I run when it's 105 deg out.

I run when I feel amazing.

I run hungover and feel like shit.

I run long so I have an excuse to consume Chocolate Outrage Gu.

I run tempo runs...mile repeats...LSDs...lactate runs...800s.

I run twice in one day, multiple times a week.

I run because it makes me want to make other healthy choices.

I run because it's who I am.

When I think about all the people who want to run and can't... Or the people that have never experienced the beauty of a sunrise during a 14 mile weekend run... Or the people who have never felt the exiliration of running 0.5 mile repeats @ 6:50 min/mile pace... I feel truely blessed.

A week isn't forever.

A lifetime is forever.

Here's to making the right decision when it's tough.

"Smart" isn't fun, but it pays off.

Five Things Friday

I like Fridays that feel like "Friday". Today is one of those days Fridays. It helps that Scott has tomorrow off, which should make tomorrow, in turn, feel like a Saturday. Unfortunately, I have to keep juggling everything Saturday-ish that is planned around in my head to make sure I remember. 12 mile run...Coffee and the Park (capitalized because going to the park is an epic "event". Epic event = carrying your child screaming out of it because they do not want to go home with you. Epic events require caffeine.)...Swim date with Damien across the street...Coffee Unsweetened iced green tea with Josh in the evening...Maybe conning asking Scott to cook dinner, to be eaten after coffee and after the Monster is safely in his crib... Wow. I just totally made that sound like a absolutely crazy day. Insert habit where I make things harder than they need to be. Well, regardless, it should be fun. I like get out of jail free cards getting out of the house.

I also like talking about random things....
So 5 random things:


1.  I'm starting to think taking a complete break from running for a week is the healthiest option for me.

Simply, my right ankle is still not 100%. It was pretty obvious from the higher impact moves I was doing in my circuit. I don't want to go 7 full days without running. I don't think my sanity vanity can go that long. But all I can think is that I have a half marathon in November that I am dedicated to running and running well. Possibly beating my 1:46:06 PR. I don't want to compromise my ability to begin my training plan August 12, just because I don't want to spend the time working out the kinks and being smart. IF I do this next week, It will look like: 3 days biking 20 miles. 3 days 1 hr on the eliptical. 1 day yoga. 1 day kenpo. 2 days strength (no high impact moves. i.e. skaters, burpees, frog leaps.). 1 day complete rest.

Yeah. We'll see. It's smart...but I don't always like smart.

2. I've gotten kind of "girly" in the last week.

By "girly" I mean I bought my first official lipstick since I was 19. (Moment of truth: I've only owned 2 lipsticks and they did not compliment my skin tone. Thanks, Mary Kay.) The best part is that I was kind of suckered into it by a picture of Olivia Wilde in "Backstage" next to a lip product. She just looked so put together. I never feel put together, let alone that pretty. It just hit me. "I will be 27 next month and I do not own lipstick." According to Michael, "27 is the age you can call yourself a woman." Yikes. I had to get on that shit. I spent a good 15 minutes, trying to keep my 3 year old from grabbing things, and trying to decide if I should go pink, what looked right, or pretend to be Olivia Wilde and just get "Backstage". Thankfully, even if I'm not a "Woman" yet, I am smart enough to go with what looks right.

Enter: Revalon Colorstay Ultimate Suede in Couture.

Where has this lipstick been my entire adult life??? I'm still amazed at its longevity and how it doesn't make my lips look cakey or my skin too pink. I actually felt pretty. Holy crap. Touche, Revalon. Touche.

I got to thinking though, what is it exactly that is making me feel like investing in the process of feeling/looking beautiful. I've never been a mani/pedi girl. I always buy body mist, not perfume. And lip gloss, not lip stick....But here I am with lipstick. And I won't lie, I spent a good deal of time while I was in Rite Aid, scouring the different shades of eye shadow, and the different foundation options.

I blame this on Micah. He's been extra crazy and in a new stage of absolute defiance as of late. In 3 days, he has napped once, and woken me up screaming twice during the middle of the night. I feel like a crazy person. The amount that I scream "NO!", spank (only to be giggled at), and bribe is amazing. I. AM. TIRED. And something in me has clicked. "You're tired? You're frustrated. Why don't you find a way to fake it til you make it..."

Run and hide your crazy

And start actin like a lady

Cause I raised you better

Gotta keep it together

Even when you fall apart

It doesn't make it all better. But it is nice to not feel like I'm wearing a shirt that says I CANNOT PARENT worth a damn all the time.

3. I attempted Paleo pancakes.

And they flopped. Note to self: eggs in pancakes are non-negotiable. Use them.

The pancakes turned into "pancake scramble", but it tasted awesome, and I needed a break from protein powder and oatmeal.

1 scoop vanilla protein powder

1 Tbsp Ground Flax

2 Tbsp Coconut Flour

1/3 c unsweetened Almond Milk (plus more water)

1 tsp Coconut oil

Vanilla extract

Cinnamon

1/2 stevia packet

1/4 c Blueberries

Top with:

1/4 c nonfat unsweetened Greek yogurt

1/2 stevia packet

Vanilla extract

4.  My big goal for next week is (drumroll): Don't let clean clothes sit on the floor for longer than 12 hours.

That is pathetic to admit, but currently, there are 4 loads of clean laundry that are on various "floor places" in the house that need to be folded. And some of those clothes have been there going on one week...

I do like socks.

Especially when I run.

The fact that NONE of my socks are in my room now should be motivation to stop making pre-run laundry room trips. Just fold the damn clothes, Sarah!

5.  Strength Training/HIIT makes me feel the best about my body.

Last Thursday: Ran 15 miles. Did Kenpo in the afternoon.

Felt ugly and fat.

Today: Ran 5 miles. Did a HIIT circuit 45 min and 30 min on the eliptical in the afternoon.

Felt great in my spandex shorts.

This should be a reminder and motivation to do my squats and burpees.

They make you tight. Tight is good. When you're tight and lean, no one (especially you) gives a fuck what your weight is. I like that I have NOT stepped on a scale this year.

No one has that kind of time to waste feeling bad about a stupid number.

Tonight, I feel good enough.
Not perfect, inside or out, by any means.
But good enough.
Loveable.
And capable of being loving.